Muffin

I’ve been ruminating on the whole hiring Hannah thing. There’s something that isn’t right about it and I decided to do something about it today. We have a pretty involved board. They meet once a week and are often found visiting individually with the writers and other employees. It’s nice because they’re interested in the things the paper produces and by showing their support it makes a very organic working environment. It’s definitely something I’m going to miss when I leave. Anyway, one of the board members, Mrs. Garrison, was visiting with the employees today (she brought a muffin basket!) and I asked if she could stop by and visit with me before she left. She agreed and I retreated to my office to pull Hannah’s application and resume in case I needed it.

“What can I do for you dear?” she said sitting on my couch. I joined her and chose my words carefully.

“Well, I’m just confused about something that I think you can help me with.”

“Go on.”

“Kevin said that the board approved funds to hire a personal secretary for him because it will help boost productivity.”

“Yes, that’s right, we did.”

“Did Kevin show you any possible hires for that position?”

“He mentioned having one in mind, but we don’t deal with actually hiring people, that’s your job.” She laughed and patted my knee.

I smiled at her and relaxed on the couch, “so I’m free to make the decision about the hiring of that position? Because Kevin implied that the person he had in mind was already hired and I just wanted to double check that with you before I process the applicant’s paperwork for a background check, since we have to pay for that.” I knew that if I made this about avoiding extraneous money being spent, it wouldn’t seem so suspicious or negative in regards to Kevin.

She bought it.

“Oh, no Faith, the members of the board aren’t qualified to hire people on the spot. We wouldn’t waste that kind of time or step on your toes like that.”

I thanked her for the cherry almond muffin and we said our goodbyes. I guess I should clarify something: the board hired Kevin because his position is something they have a vested interest in. The Editor-in-Chief decides what is or is not published under the name of the paper and therefore controls the reputation and bias of the news it provides. The board obviously invests money into the paper and therefore they want to control the viewpoints it puts out to the public, so it makes sense that they would review and ultimately hire someone with their interests in mind. That’s why when Kevin was hired; I knew nothing about it (that and the urgency of George’s exit and immediate need for a substitute). I am responsible for hiring our writing staff and any other employees that would have Kevin or me as their boss…which means I’m in charge of hiring secretaries.

After lunch I strutted over to Kevin’s office and knocked on the open door. He spun around in his chair with a questioning look.

“Hey Kevin, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be starting the screening process for your personal secretary tomorrow. I’ve gotten a few hits off our usual job posting sites and have already started looking into them.”

“Faith, I told you, Hannah has already been hired.” He laid back in his chair and put his arms behind his head.

I stepped into his office and leaned on the door jam, “Well I had a lovely conversation with Mrs. Garrison this morning and she is under the impression that I will be hiring for that position and after looking at her application, Hannah is not a qualified candidate. So…I’m going to start interviewing tomorrow. Kay?”

“Garrison is ancient; she can’t even remember what she did five minutes ago let alone what was decided in a meeting that happened a few days ago.”

I was shocked that Kevin was talking about a board member (someone who pays hi salary) like that so loudly and rudely. Mrs. Garrison was old but she was perceptive and nothing gets past her, I have no problem believing her over Kevin.

“Well, regardless, I have a member of the board’s permission to begin the hiring process for the position and have deemed your candidate to be unqualified. Do you really want me to go to every member and double check with them?”

Kevin suddenly looked uncomfortable, there was a pause, “…No.”

I smiled, “Okay then, I’m going to start calling possible candidates. Have a nice day.”

Kevin snorted and didn’t return my goodbye. I popped my head back into his office.

“Oh and Kevin?” he looked up with an annoyed look, “don’t ever try to go over my head like that again. If I reported this to the board, you’d be fired immediately.” I spun on my heel and walked away. I don’t know if that last part is entirely true, but Kevin probably doesn’t know that...and even if he does, I don't particularly care.

Faith: 1 Kevin: 0

Hell

Kevin walked into my office this morning absolutely beaming.

“Good morning, Kevin.” I said slightly irritated, “What can I help you with?”

Kevin sat down across from and smiled. There was an awkward pause while he smiled at me and I counted down the seconds. This is the absolute worst working situation ever….having a boss that revels in your discomfort and goes out of their way to make your life hard. UGH.

“If you don’t need anything….I’m busy planning George’s retirement party….and your congratulations party.”

This was a recent event that bothered me a lot. The board wanted to give George a great send off because he’s worked for them for so long (the paper is new but he’s been working for members of the board on previous news projects forever and therefore has qualified to receive retirement benefits that they set up through a private employee insurance company) but they are also trying to spend money so they’ve required that George’s party be given 50% more funds and shared with a welcome/congratulations party for Kevin. We usually don’t have congratulations parties but George insisted that Kevin should be thanked taking the position while he was on sabbatical and the board made an exception. It’s more of a thank you party, but the board and Kevin are referring to it as a congratulations party. Oh, office politics.

Anyway, Kevin reached into his blazer pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. He handed it to me. I looked at it for awhile in immense confusion.

“Um….we aren’t hiring. Did I miss something?”

“I got approval from the board. I need a personal secretary now that I’ve taken George’s place and they thought it would be a productive investment.”

Funny….Kevin never needed anyone before; Kelly was doing just fine being everyone’s secretary.

“Um, okay, I’ll place an ad on the usual sites this afternoon.”

He handed me another piece of paper, “Not necessary, I’ve already hired her.”

I saw the name on the filled out application and broke into a cold sweat.

“Ha-Hannah? Your fiancée….Hannah?”

“Yeah.”

This could not be happening to me…

“Isn’t that a conflict of interest? I’m usually the person who does the hiring and looking at this application she doesn’t have any of the skills we normally look for in a secretary.”

“This is really just a formality Faith….she’s already been hired."

I stared at him in disbelief.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“The board already approved her. Have a nice day.”

Kevin walked out of my office. I am LIVID. Not only is Kevin making my life more difficult than ever, but now he’s going over my head to do my JOB. I can’t believe that they hired someone with absolutely NO qualification to be a secretary whatsoever…it’s like they never even looked at the application.

Author's Note

Hey friends!

I've been trying to post more often but I wanted to give my readers a heads up. I'm about to go into finals for my last semester in college and the work has been piling up. I just wanted to let you guys know that if the posts start to seem to die off it's not because I stopped caring about the posting frequency, it's because my real life got in the way. I'll be trying to post during this week but I make no promises. During my actual finals week (which is next week) I'll have plenty of time to write up posts in between my finals.

It's Official

Kevin is my new boss. I had to process his paperwork this afternoon.



I'm as ecstatic as you would imagine.

Contemplations

I’ve been thinking about the recent events happening in my life lately and how they’ve affected me. I really want to take advantage of this time where I’m not in a relationship to focus on me and redefine some of my values.

In the past, I’ve tried to keep a policy on dating co-workers that included absolutely NOT dating the boss. Well, we know how well I kept to that standard…in evaluation of that former policy, I’ve decided that dating a co-worker should be avoided, but if it must happen it can’t be my boss or someone who works for me. So, if I started dating another person I worked with it would have to one of the writers for the paper or one of the mailroom staffers because we wouldn’t actually be working together and there would be no conflict of interest where we were trying to get each other fired.

Moving on to the trying-to-get-Kevin-fired thing….I’m fairly certain I have enough evidence to at least cast suspicion on Kevin’s relationships with co-workers to the board, but that would mean I’d have to explain how I learned that information. In order for me to get substantial proof I would need some semblance of sexual activity to be caught on a security tape or personally catch Kevin in the act with a co-worker. Besides, if the woman I saw doesn’t work for the paper and he’s fooling around with her, there’s nothing I can do since she doesn’t work for the paper and isn’t technically Kevin’s co-worker. Then there’s the fact that I could never blackmail someone, even Kevin. I feel so uncomfortable that he’s trying to pin something on me that it’s starting to affect my work performance.


I’ve given it some thought and I’m going to seriously start looking for a new job. It’s not just the Kevin thing that’s making me want to get out; it’s really the dynamics of working at the paper, in general. I don’t like that I have to do things that aren’t exactly part of my job, but because it’s a small paper, I end up doing a lot of things that shouldn’t be under my job description and it causes a lot of work for me that I’m not qualified to do. The fact that Kevin is looking for any excuse to get me fired actually isn’t playing into my decision as much as I thought it would. I think this thing with Kevin is just a way for me to have an excuse to want to leave my job. I know it seems weird, but I’ve been with the paper since its conception and I’m ready to work somewhere else, but I feel so loyal to the paper that wanting to work somewhere else just isn’t a good enough reason, so the thing with Kevin gives me a valid reason for myself. The paper is really small and is starting to get its own success in the city, but my time to leave has come. They aren’t planning on making any drastic structural changes in regards to employees so I’m going to be stuck doing things that I wouldn’t be expected to in another HR position. Due to the economy and work situations right now, I’m going to wait until I have a guaranteed job somewhere else before I let them know I’m leaving.

Bias?

“I think Kevin is having an affair with someone in the office.”

Zoey looked at me with a shocked look, “Really? Why would he be so dumb? He knows you’re going to be looking for any reason to get him fired.”

“Kevin is pretty arrogant, though, so he might think he can get away with it.”

“How do you even know this?”

I blushed, “Well…I might have eavesdropped and observed something surreptitiously….behind a giant plant.”

Zoey laughed and went to go get the popcorn impatiently beeping in the microwave. I followed her to the kitchen and got out drinking glasses and filled them with soda while she filled a bowl with the popcorn.

“What did you do?”

“It wasn’t something I sought out. I was actually trying to avoid Kevin ALL day and almost made it. When I was leaving work I saw Hannah come in and hid behind a plant in the lobby.”

“You hid behind a plant?” Zoey started munching on the popcorn.
“Yeah, she and Kevin sort of got into a disagreement and he lied to her that he was meeting with the board about George’s job. But he wasn’t, that’s supposed to happen on Friday, I know, I scheduled the meeting.”

“Really?” Zoey was surprised at that information.

“Yeah, I mean, normally I would say that I’m being paranoid-“

“-And being a creeper.” Zoey added.

“But I know this was a lie. THEN, after they left, a woman walked out of the elevators.”

“Who was she?”

“I don’t know, by that point it was dark outside and I couldn’t get a good view of her face or clothes since she was wearing a hat and a black coat.”

“Lame. Do you have any idea who it could be?”

“No, everyone in the building basically wears a black coat, it would be impossible to guess. I think she might have been a blonde.”

“Have you ever seen Kevin flirting or checking out anyone in the office?”

“No, I guess not,’ I sighed, “Maybe I am just manipulating what I saw to make me feel like I have some power over Kevin…”

“Maybe. You’re right that he lied, but that’s the only proof you’ve got and it doesn’t mean he was doing anything with that woman. Besides, she might not even work with you right?”

“True.” I nodded, the paper shared an office building with a lot of other businesses and companies, so it’s entirely possible that the woman who came out of the elevator isn’t even someone I work with.

“I mean, Kevin doesn’t really need a good reason to lie, he lies like a professional, right?” Zoey took a sip of soda and put her feet on the coffee table.

“You’re right, I believed all of his lies.” Zoey could see that I was starting to feel negative and changed the subject.

“So…which movie do you want to watch first? Apocalypse Now? Or Full Metal Jacket?”

We watched violent war movies until we passed out and it, surprisingly, made us both feel better about the state of our love lives.

Talking to Plants

I went to work on Monday with a new outlook on the Kevin situation: Avoid. After running to my office to avoid being seen, I ate lunch in Dina and Suzy’s office….alone, and when I left for the day I contemplated the merits of leaving through my window rather than the front doors. Apparently the window was the better option because as soon as I started to walk across the lobby, Hannah walked into the doors. My immediate instinct was to hide and I found one of those extremely large lobby plants that hid me completely. She stopped in the middle of the lobby and took out her cell phone.

“Where are you? …. Do I need to go upstairs? …well then how long are you going to be? ….FINE.”

She sighed and angrily shut her phone and shoved it into her designer purse. Then she started walking toward my direction. I started to panic and began looking for an escape route frantically. She sat on a white and gray modern couch right next to the plant and flipped through a magazine. I was hiding for so long that I ended up sitting between the plant and the wall; it must have been at least 45 minutes before Kevin showed up. He came up behind her and gave her a kiss but she wasn’t in a very good mood, I guess that’s expected when you catch your boyfriend cheating.

“What were you doing upstairs?” She asked suspiciously.

“I was working Hannah, I had a meeting with the board, you know, the one about them hiring me.” Kevin grabbed her hand and started walking her towards the exit much to my relief and confusion. The board doesn’t meet on Mondays, which meant Kevin was blatantly lying about what he was doing upstairs. Besides, I schedule those kinds of meetings for the board members and I know for a fact it’s on Friday MORNING. He couldn’t just say that he was working because that wouldn’t be a good enough excuse for Hannah, but if it was an important meeting about getting George’s job….she’d apparently accept an excuse like that.

I waited for them to leave and started to collect my things when I saw a woman’s shadow peak around one of the elevators across from me. I immediately ducked for cover. I couldn’t tell who it was, but I knew Kevin was definitely not telling the truth about having a meeting with the board. Things might have just gone in my direction….

Dilemmas

“What are your options?” Zoey was looking at me across from the table in a small breakfast bistro near her house. We were both skipping work; her reason to skip was more legitimate than mine, though. Her photo shoot was cancelled and I was avoiding Kevin after our disastrous meeting.

I sighed and laid my head on the table dramatically, “throw myself out my office’s window?”

Zoey gave me a “let’s be serious” look and I perked up grudgingly.

“Well, I could try to find a new job. I could try to get Kevin transferred or fired. I could put up with it. Or I could crawl into my bed and never come out.” I said taking a bite of my croissant.

“What would be a reason Kevin would get fired?”

“The paper allows dating between co-workers as long as there is no PDA at work, but if he had a sexual harassment claim on his employee file, the board might choose to not hire him as editor-in-chief permanently once George’s paperwork goes through. But that would require Kevin to hit on a female employee repeatedly or some degree further than that and I’m not sure he’s going to take it that far. Especially since Hannah knows he’s been cheating on her and she’s bound to be checking up on him throughout the day.”

“Do you like your job, Faith?”

I was thrown off by the question. I liked working at the paper but the last year was starting to get to me. A change of environment might be good for me, but I’d need to give more thought into the idea. I brushed off her question with a rebuttal.

“If I quit, he’ll win. A person who treats people the way Kevin does shouldn’t win so easily. I have to at least try to bear the situation, right?”

“I guess-“

“And maybe George will change his mind….maybe I can get him to change his mind!” I was grasping at the smallest hint of hope.

“Faith, do NOT talk to George about changing his mind, the man has enough going on in his life, right now. Remember? His wife is dying of cancer!”

I sighed but realized she was right. We moved on to Anna and how she’s been doing work-wise since her miscarriage.

“She’s doing well at work, you know Anna, she doesn’t let anything affect her work. But….her and Theo are still having problems. They haven’t had sex since.”

My heart broke for Anna, the marriage counseling must not have been going well and I made a mental note to schedule some alone time with her. Eventually we said our goodbyes and I went home to look for some HR jobs listed online…you know, for a rainy day.

World War K

Kevin hasn’t been to work for two days but today he called me about 20 times while I was trying to work. At about the 50th call from him I answered the phone.

“What do you want? I’m at work!” I hissed.

“I want to explain what happened. It’s not –“I cut him off.

“If you want to explain, that’s fine, but I’m at work right now and I will not deal with this while I’m at work.”

“Can I meet you when you get off of work then?”

“You know, I don’t think I really have anything to say to you other than we’re over.”

“Just meet me after work and give 5 minutes, Faith. Please?”

I sighed and relented. When I left at the end of the day he was waiting outside in his car. I refused to get in and we walked to a coffee shop in a cold silence.

“Do you want a coffee?” Kevin asked as he held the door open for me.

“No.” I said harshly.

We sat and I started right away, “Let me get this straight. We are no longer together. You and I will no longer have a personal relationship, I cannot and do not trust you.”

“Let me explain, it’s not what you think.” I sighed and looked at my watch, he took that as a sign to get to the point, “Hannah never moved out. She was in the process of moving and found out about you. When I told you she was moving out, I wasn’t lying, she really was. She still thought we could end up back together and I made it very clear to her that I was with you, that’s when she went crazy and moved back in. There wasn’t anything I could do about it.”

“Why didn’t you move out?”

Kevin was silent.

“She didn’t really know about me did she? I saw her face when she walked in, you’re lying to me. You’ve lied to me the whole time. Hannah never knew, you never broke it off with her, you just told me you did so I would be with you.”

Kevin gave up, “Of course I didn’t tell her. I couldn’t."

“So you decided to lie to me about it. I need a better explanation.”

Kevin relaxed in his chair with an air of arrogance and I saw a hint of malice in his eye.

“You don’t know Hannah, I need to marry her to get everything I want. I wasn’t going to waste that on dumping her to be with you. I mean do you really think you’re all that special? You work a dead-end job at one of the least credible newspapers in the city, why would I dump Hannah for you? I was never going to stay with you. You were something to waste my time while Hannah planned the wedding and nothing more. Luckily, Hannah is understanding and has not called anything off, so my activities with you weren’t even really a risk.”

I was speechless. Kevin saw the shock on my face and started laughing. I looked at him sharply and composed myself almost immediately.

“Well, since it’s the least credible paper in the city I take it you’ll be happy to keep up your end of our bargain?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t you remember? Before we got involved we agreed that if we ended things you would leave the paper.” I sat back in my chair and cocked my head.

“Oh, please, like anyone would actually agree to that.” Kevin scoffed, “Not only am I not quitting, but I’m acting editor-in-charge now. George is retiring and that means I have full responsibilities and privileges including being able to fire you.”

George must have contacted Kevin about it after he visited me the other day.

“I’d actually have to do something that would require being fired and I’m an ideal employee.”

“You’re not perfect; you’ll have to slip up sometime.”

With that Kevin stood up, I followed him out of the coffee shop and went to leave. He grabbed my arm to stop me from going and whispered into my ear.

“Thanks for the ride.”

I slapped him across the face, spun on my heel, and hailed a cab. Kevin stood on the sidewalk and watched me go.

K: M.I.A

I went to work today absolutely dreading it. But much to my surprise (and relief!) Kevin was not there, he called in a personal day. I sank into my office chair thankful for small miracles when George walked in.

“Hey George, I thought you were supposed to be in some romantic foreign country right now…” we laughed.

He sat in a chair across from me and said hello. Turns out that his wife’s health has taken a turn for the worse sooner than they expected so they cancelled the last few trips they’d planned. Much to him and his wife’s happiness, though, their daughter got married a couple of weeks ago and Paula (George’s wife) was strong enough to attend the ceremony and reception.

“I’m so sorry George. I can’t imagine how difficult things are for you.” I reached out and grabbed his hand.

“It’s really okay, Faith, Paula has opted to go for the hospice care and I support her decision. We’ve been able to come to terms with things gradually. I’m not quite prepared for Paula’s passing yet, but she’s been so great throughout the whole process and she’s providing me with so much love and support. She wants to make sure I’ll be alright once….” He trailed off, cleared his throat, and then segued into a related topic, “That’s why I’m here Faith.”

“Oh?”

“I need to fill out a form to end my sabbatical.”

I couldn’t believe what George said. He's going to come back, which means that I'm not going to have to see Kevin every day. I nodded and grabbed the form from my filing cabinet. I handed George a pen, when he stopped me.

“No, this isn’t right. I’m ending my sabbatical but I’m not coming back. I want to retire.”

I stopped cold.
“What?”

“Paula has been encouraging me to retire and we didn’t spend nearly as much as we thought travelling so I’ve got plenty of money saved up for it. I think it’s time.”

I grudgingly got George a different form and wished him good luck as he left, promising to throw him a retirement party next week with the whole staff.

“If Paula’s strong enough, I’ll try to bring her.”

“Okay, I’ll let you know the details soon.”

I closed my office door and then sank into my couch between a bookshelf and a filing cabinet wanting to cry. I almost had an out to the whole Kevin situation and it was taken away just as quickly as it came. I’m not really sure how to address the job thing with Kevin. I mean, obviously I have to have the break-up talk with him, but how exactly do you go about telling your ex-boyfriend he has to quit his no-longer-temporary job?

Faith's Day Out

Zoey showed up at my door this morning.

“Get dressed, Faith, we’re going out.”

“What.” I looked at her with an “are you crazy” look.

“Let’s go, put on some flip flops, put your hair up and for crying out loud put some actual pants on!” She said eyeing my pajamas with disdain.

“Zoey, I get that you’re trying to get me to stop moping around, but I’m not moping around because I broke up with Kevin…”

“I know that’s why I’m taking you somewhere special. Now get your butt in some jeans.”

She crossed her arms and eyed me while I pouted. Eventually I gave in and got dressed into real clothes. I put on some flip flops, capri jeans, and a white tank top.

“Okay, I’m ready now where are we going?”

“Not yet, you’ll see when we get there.”

I sighed and trudged out the door, while Zoey called a cab. She handed the driver a slip of paper with the address on it and sat in the back smiling to herself.

“I’m glad one of us is happy about this.” I said glumly.

“Oh, quiet you!” Zoey joked, she wasn’t going to let my bad mood dampen her plans, apparently.

We arrived at a chic little place on the corner of a street. It had green and purple awnings and flowery writing that I couldn’t read. Zoey rushed me into the building to meet Elise and Anna.

“Hey guys, I didn’t know you would be here.”

“We had to set things up.” Anna said cheerily.

I finally took in my surroundings, we were in one of the most in demand day spas in the city. It was a place I’d wanted to go for years.

“How did you guys get a reservation?”

“Anna and Zoey used their contacts at the magazine to pull some strings. They were able to get all four us booked in the premium package in about two hours’ notice and at half the price.” Elise said taking my coat and handing it to the front receptionist.

We spent the day getting manicures and pedicures, getting our hair styled, eating gourmet food, and having one of the best massages I’ve ever had. We were sitting around near the luxurious Jacuzzi spa they had in a sun room covered by palm trees and exotic plant life. It was so relaxing.

“I feel better, but….I don’t want this to be something I’ll always be wary of in the future. I mean, Dean lied to me before Kevin and now….I’m not even really know if Kevin lied to me, but he definitely wasn’t honest about a lot of things. How am I not going to be a crazily suspicious girlfriend when I date other people?” I said getting depressed again.

Zoey handed me a fruity, bubbly drink, “You’ll learn from it, it won’t make you a crazy girlfriend Faith. You’re still who you were before, I think all of us would have said something if Kevin started changing you. I think the danger of you becoming a crazy person has passed, it’ll only be an issue if you don’t break it off with Kevin. You can’t keep making excuses for his behavior.”

I knew Zoey was right, but part of me feels like I need to hear Kevin out in order to get closure and move on. I’m still not sure what really happened and if Hannah knew but I know we won’t continue dating. Frankly, Kevin made me feel like I didn’t deserve respect or love and I don’t think I can forgive someone for making me feel that way.

Damaged

I woke up in a haze on Zoey’s couch and heard familiar muffled voices coming from her kitchen; Elise, Zoey, and Anna. I got up and sat lifeless on the couch; Elise laid out some clothes for me in Zoey’s bedroom (All three of them have keys to my apartment and Elise stopped by on her way over to get me something to wear). I took a shower and got dressed. I threw my dress away, in my hurry to get out of Kevin’s apartment last night I’d ripped it and it was a lost cause. When I was no longer a hot sobbing mess I sat down at Zoey’s table and told the three of them what happened.

“I was in the middle of having an orgasm when she walked in. I feel dirty. I think I’m still in shock, you should have seen Hannah’s face.”

“Maybe she just hasn’t moved out yet and was surprised that Kevin has moved on?” Elise said trying to look on the bright side.

“Either way, we’re done. I can’t deal with his messy complex relationship with Hannah anymore, if it’s even true that he broke up with her. His apartment didn’t look like someone was in the process of moving out, there were no boxes or anything and the hurt on Hannah’s face is something that I will never forget. Was I stupid?” I looked at them pleadingly.

“No, you trusted Kevin because you, like all of us, believe that trusting who you’re dating is part of being in a relationship. He clearly doesn’t have the same standard as the majority of the population.” Zoey said as she slid me a cup of orange juice and jellied toast.

“I…I don’t know….I feel so….” I started crying again, not for breaking up with Kevin but because he manipulated me, he made me feel like a cheap thrill, like he never had any emotional connection with me at all. Anna patted my back and Elise handed me a tissue. Once I composed myself I finished eating and decided to go home. I just wanted to be alone.

We said goodbye and I thanked them for all being there for me. I called a cab and saw that I had a ton of missed calls and texts from Kevin. I deleted them all without even looking at them. Thankfully we don’t have work today and Monday, so I won’t have to see him for a decent amount of time. I’m going to need it to make myself feel better.

The End

So. Kevin and I are no longer together. I haven’t officially told him yet, but I think we’re both on the same page in that particular regard, especially after what happened last night.

We were eating dinner and I was wearing the lingerie I bought a few weeks ago to surprise Kevin for the flowers he didn’t send me under my red bubble dress. Dinner was full of flirting and touching until we couldn’t take it anymore and drove to his apartment. While we were in the car I was nibbling on his ear and whispering things that would make a sailor blush and when we finally got there we basically fell into his apartment groping each other. Pretty soon all of our clothes were off and we ended up on the couch. He was sitting on the couch and I was on top of him and right when I reached the point of no return someone walked into the apartment. I fell off of him in surprise and embarrassment while trying to grab pillows to cover myself.

It wasn’t until a few seconds later that I realized just who walked into the room. It was Hannah. I looked at Kevin and she looked at both of us in shock. When her gaze landed on my face I could see the recognition and immense hurt in her eyes. I’d been played. Hard. She walked into a door on the right and Kevin followed her. I was so shocked that I put my dress on, left my underwear behind, grabbed my purse, and left. I hailed a cab outside of the apartment building and started to sob when I got inside. The driver started driving and gently prodded my address out of me. About midway to my house I told him to drive me to Zoey’s instead.

I was a mess when Zoey opened the door in an avocado mask and frumpy pajamas. She let me in and wiped off her face as I collapsed in tears on her couch. She let me lay my head in her lap and didn’t ask me any questions. I fell asleep with her comforting me. Never have I felt so used and stupid.

Meltdown Z

Kevin and I were en route to his place when I got a frantic phone call from Zoey. She was crying and the only thing I could make out was that she wanted me to come over to her place. I looked over at Kevin and sighed.

“It’s Zoey, she needs me. Can you drop me off at her place?”

“Sure.”

Kevin turned the car around and promised to take me to his place the next time we went out. I thanked him for dinner and the ride and got out of the car in front of Zoey’s. I waved good bye and he sped off.

When Zoey opened the door, she was a mess. She had just gotten back from her date with the power-line guy she’d met last week.

“I take it didn’t go well?” I said putting my bag down and taking my coat off. Zoey burst into tears almost immediately. It was so weird, Zoey is almost never like this, she’s my rock and everyone else’s. I nodded and then grabbed my bag and coat. “I’ll be back in five minutes.”

I ran across the street to a food shopette that was open 24 hours and grabbed two bottles of wine, frozen cookie dough, and a tub of strawberry ice cream. In just a few minutes of my return Zoey was sitting on the couch eating the raw cookie dough with the wine and telling me what happened.

“I looked so good, Faith, but it’s like I was the only thing he couldn’t look at in the restaurant. I was wearing that read chiffon top and a black pencil skirt with black 4 inch pumps and a corset! A CORSET! Me!”

“Maybe he was just shy? You know… instead of looking at you because he’d be intimidated so he looks anywhere but you…”

“That’s what I thought until I saw him checking out our waitresses’ ass and every other woman around us.”

To make a long story short, the date just went downhill from there. He spilled wine on her and tried to smooth talk his way into first date sex. Zoey slammed the door in his face before calling me.

“Did I take you away from anything? You look dressed up.”

“I was just on a date with Kevin. We were headed to his place when you called, he dropped me off. It’s not a big deal.”

“He was taking you to his place?” Zoey started in on the ice cream.

“Yeah, I told him about my trust issues and he’s been really understanding. I didn’t realize just how much he’s sacrificed to be with me before…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he’s risking his job and it turns out that all of his friends have ditched him because he broke it off with Hannah.”

“ALL of his friends?”

“Yeah, the way I understand it…all of his friends were mutual friends of Hannah and when he called off the wedding to see me they ditched.”

“Okay.” Zoey said stuffing her mouth with ice cream. I shot her a dubious look.

“Spill it.”

“I mean….that just seems really…sketch. He doesn’t have a single friend left to introduce you to, not even the guys he was with when you first met him? I mean…you guys were practically having sex on the dance floor before Anna, Elise, and I dragged you home. They seemed okay with him being with you then…”

I thought back to that night, Zoey was right. Kevin had several friends with him who were encouraging him the whole night. We definitely would have left together if my girls hadn’t taken me home and his friends were fine with what we were doing, not one of them hinted that he had a fiancée or looked guilty. I didn’t really know what to say, but when I looked up Zoey was asleep. I cleaned up the remnants of cookie dough and ice cream containers, grabbed a blanket and wrapped Zoey up. It was too late for me to catch a bus home so I crashed in her bed. She crawled in a couple of hours later.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Dinner Talk

Kevin and I met outside our building and started walking to a bar and grill we’d been wanting to check out. It had discreet booths and we were seated right away. The walk over was kind of awkward because neither one of us really talked at all and the silence continued up until our waitress took our orders. Kevin waited for the waitress to leave before starting.

“Look, Faith…I-“

I cut him off, “I don’t really want to talk about the flowers anymore. It’s a stupid fight and I’m over it. We don’t need to talk about it, but I think I need to be honest about something. I’ve been thinking about things since then and I’ve come to a conclusion that isn’t all that encouraging.” I looked down at the table.

“Okay…” He eyed me with confusion and concern.

“I think part of the reason that I flipped out over the flowers is because I don’t trust you.”

I let Kevin deal with the weight of what I said for a few moments and it looked like he was struggling with it. I tried to explain myself after seeing how hurt he was.

“I don’t know why because I don’t have a reason to not trust you after dating for this long. You’ve been honest with me since we started dating, but the stuff before, like not telling me about Hannah, isn’t something I can turn off.”

Kevin nodded then looked at me. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“No. I’m just telling you because I want you to know where I am in our relationship… I don’t want to hide anything from you.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Well, we could go to your apartment. I’ve still never been there and you could introduce me to your friends. You never talk about them, the only thing it ever seems like we talk about is work or me. It’s almost like I don’t know you at all.”

“We can go to my apartment whenever you want, I just thought it was easier if we went to yours since it’s closer and you’d feel more comfortable there.”

“Can we go after dinner?”

“Uh, it’s kind of gross, how about I take you there this weekend? I don’t want you to see my man cave while it’s dirty.”

I laughed at his usage of man cave and asked him to tell me about his friends. He looked uncomfortable.

“Uh…most of my friends are mutual friends of Hannah’s and since we aren’t together anymore they’ve chosen sides…specifically, hers. She knows we’re dating now and thinks I was dating you while I was still with her and so do all of my friends. The complexity of how we get together isn’t something they care to hear about.”

“So you have no friends? At all?”

“I’ve started making some at work…”

I felt bad for Kevin, he was risking so much by being with me: his friendships, his job…we got our food and it was pretty delicious and then we decided to go for a walk in the beautiful weather. It was nice, Kevin bought us some ice cream and we walked along a sparkling lake. I felt safe with him, maybe admitting my distrust to him helped to relieve me of it at the same time. We ended up going back to my place where I showed him a hint of all the dirty things we would be doing in his man cave this weekend.